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I've got a brand new pen & I drink too much
you know I'll burn out soon
October 4th, 2009 
Wonderful weekend, they always are. I'm getting sick now though of course. Oh well, might actually make the week a bit easier.

I may go see Rachel (old friend/flame who is in the army now) on Friday at Necto, that would be quite amazing, quite awkward as well but definitely well worth it. We'll have to see if I have the money for it. For booze of course and for gas money. Hurm hurm.

I played a couple of games of Magic with Matt and actually really enjoyed it. Although I absolutely didn't know what I was doing. Could be fun in time when I figure it out more : )

I decided I am going to make him this scrapbooky thing. I have this really pretty one I bought that I haven't really known what to do with. I think he would like it. I haven't done anything cutesy or artsy in a while. Will probably be good for me. I'm going to work on it at night cause that's always when the age old struggles come back. It may keep them at bay.

Gave me shit about the cuts. Not the mean shit, just the wtf are you doing kind? I never really looked at it this way, but he said he quit his bullshit for me and honestly, it's true. The last time I saw him before Shauna and I broke up he was so fucking comatose, he was getting so bad. Since we've been together he's cut off opiates completely. He gave me that but I never really looked at it like it was for me. Thinking I may have been good for someone, that just isn't my style. The least I can do is give him the same in return. Every time I cut it makes it that much harder. I obsess. I romance. I need to let it go. I'm 21 years old. I've been cutting myself for ten years. Jesus. It was Wednesday night that I cut, I'm going to look up the date and keep track of it so I can know how long I've been clean. It's more than time.
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